What are we doing today, Mom?
I hate that question. I mean, really, that goes right on up there with what’s for dinner and are we almost there yet on the Top 5 Questions to Interrogate Mom With.
There’s no good answer to that question what are we doing, so I have taken to throwing down smart-aleck replies.
What are we doing today?
- Nothing, absolutely nothing. Please stand motionless for the next twelve hours.
- Underwater Basket Weaving (seriously, that is the perfect answer to nearly every question).
- I haven’t yet come up with a sufficiently horrific torture for you yet, but I’ll let you know.
- Everything. Please get started on all of the things. Start by making a list of All the Reasons My Mom is Wonderful and All The Things I Want to Buy Her and All the Jobs I Will Undertake to Make All The Money for All the Things. Then work your plan.
I get sick of the what are we doing question because the answer is the same as yesterday and every other day that ends in ‘day.
We’ll get up, make our beds, hit our brother, spill cereal across the kitchen floor, leave puddles of milk on the counter, spread the laundry across the house, lose every textbook except the one we are tearing the cover off of, tease the dog, talk to the telemarketer on the phone, stare into space while Mom talks, place Legos strategically underfoot, pound on the piano, hide one soccer cleat, bite our brother’s cookie, track mud through the house, break a couple pencils, duct tape things together that should never be attached, take out the trash the third time Mom yells, text Dad “Mom’s in a bad mood,” push vegetables around the dinner plate until they evaporate, run the shower and declare ourselves clean, stuff random unrelated objects under the bed, then play Angry Birds on kindle in the dark until we fall asleep.
I swear, nothing changes from day to day. It’s Motherhood Groundhog Day, but with chores and long division (the chores and long division part is the only reason I’m not starring in that movie, I’m sure).
I’m sorry, dear offspring, but I have no sympathy in my heart for you captors. You made me insane, now you can’t make me feel sorry for this Perpetual Purgatory they call Parenting. Either I’m going to achieve sinless perfection soon, or you will age out of the system. Guess which one is more probable.
So, to answer your question . . . What are we doing today, Mom?
We are letting you live.
Also, while working hard on that primary goal, we also may throw in a couple bonus goodies:
- health care
- clothing and laundry
- spiritual guidance
- arts education
- sports training
- physical affection
- personal development
- love and care
After all that, my day is basically shot.
There are no ordinary days. Every single one is extraordinary. And you, dear friend of mine, are rocking it every single day.
You are welcome.
I’d love to keep in touch!
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