Jojo Tabares is an expert in communication. Besides speaking and writing, she helps homeschoolers build confidence. She’s funny, she’s smart, and she likes to talk. Sounds like the perfect homeschool friend! Jojo stops by today to help us understand our shy child and how to help her.
Some children are born bold. They have the confidence of a general and most of their peers fall right in line…unless that child is also a general, in which case, your four year old daughter might just need to pick her up and put her where she wants her. Ask me later how I know.
Others are born a bit timid and wait for the general to give them instructions. Either way, confidence is something that needs to be reinforced because as children grow, the world can eat away at whatever confidence they might have.
There are three vital ways in which we should build our child’s confidence to keep the world from eating away at it. The first two are related to the most important aspect of confidence and that is mindset. You cannot guide a child to confidence without instilling the proper mindset.
Build Your Child’s Confidence
1. Teach Her She is a Unique Child of God.
God created every one of His children to be a unique individual each with his or her own set of talents and abilities. God created each child for a special and specific purpose and He equips each especially for that purpose. Your child isn’t one of many children on the block or even just another one of the children in your family. She was hand-crafted by the Lord because God looked down and saw that she was needed.
There is nobody else in the world quite like your child! He needs to understand that. He needs to be told that often and by those who love him most. The Lord may have created Mary and Bill and Jose and Joyce and Belinda all with some of the same talents or skills or interests. However, YOUR child has his own unique interpretation and can reach others for the same mission that none of those others can!
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
Psalm 139:13
So, God formed each of us individually. Further, He tells us why: “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” -Ephesians 2:10. And in Romans 12:4 God tells us that not only were we individually created and that we each have good works to do, He tells us that each has a different and unique function. “For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function.”
So, your child isn’t just one of many children in the world. He or she was uniquely created by the Lord for good works that are as unique as your child is!
2. She Needs to Know That Failure is Not Fatal — It’s Essential.
The second way to build up your child’s confidence is closely related. Teach him that failure is not fatal. How many times did Noah, Jonah, and others fail God? Yet their accomplishments were HUGE! How many times did extraordinarily successful people fail before they were able to succeed? How many no’s did any successful sales person get before they got a yes? MANY! Failure isn’t fatal. It is, in fact, a core step on the road to success.
I didn’t fail. I just found 2,000 ways not to make a lightbulb; I only need to find one way to make it work.
Thomas Edison
Failure isn’t fatal. It’s necessary for success! Besides, it’s not your mistake that people really notice. It’s your reaction to your mistake that makes all the difference. If your child sees rejection more as a step along the way, he will have the right mindset to confidently navigate his world and accomplish that which the Lord has put in his heart.
3. She Needs to Cultivate Achievement.
The third vital way to build your child’s confidence is through achievement. Achievement builds confidence, but it must be done in the proper way. Giving your child only those tasks that are easy for him will not build confidence. Contrary to the current thinking that we should foster success by praising everything a child does, a child may be young and inexperienced, but he isn’t stupid. He knows if something was easy for him and he knows it didn’t take much skill (at least not for him at that stage of his development). While society is filled with empty praise and participation trophies, children know what it takes for them to achieve success.
On the other hand, be careful not to give your child a task that is beyond his abilities/age or you will only reinforce a feeling of inadequacy. Giving your child age-appropriate tasks that challenge him a bit will give him a sense of pride in accomplishment. This is how confidence is cultivated.
Whether your child is a bold general or not, these three vital principles will help him or her to build a confidence that will carry them through whatever purpose the Lord has for his/her life!
JoJo Tabares has a BA in Speech Communication and is an author/writer of homeschool materials and other communication skills books for PreK-Adults at http://www.ArtofEloquence.com. Topics include speech, debate, leadership, overcoming shyness, conflict resolution, defending the faith and more. She’s also just started a Facebook group coaching for shyness, social anxiety, and social awkwardness.
Leave a Reply